So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
