Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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