worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
