It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
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