Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
