dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
