She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
