also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
