I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
