Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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