You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
