I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
