You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
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