I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
