Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
