I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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