love makes seman taste better
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
