On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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