We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
