Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
