Midget sex pt 2 tonight
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
So vagazzling was a success
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
