I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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