i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize