when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
