Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
