Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
