so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize