She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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