No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
