I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
