Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
