Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
