I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
