His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
