My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
