i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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