he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
