first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
