I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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