You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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