Can i not drive my cunt home
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
My penis needs a shock collar
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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