I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
