It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
