My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize