i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
