Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
