he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
