feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
