i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
