Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
