no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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