My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
