sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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