I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
