Duck Duck Cougar?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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