I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
