Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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