All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize