3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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