I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
