I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
