and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
