I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
