bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
