its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
