New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We had to coat check the pizza.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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