is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
