The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
