Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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