White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
