I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
