Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I licked your asshole in confidence.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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