I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
