I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
