it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
