Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
