kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
